Friday the 5th of June

In the small hours of the morning, in a darkened street in Whitehall, a neon sign flickered above a doorway....

(Click image to enlarge)

As Britain swelters

Labour faces meltdown this week.

The Sunday Telegraph is reporting that in an ICM poll, Labour have fallen to just 22% of the vote - behind the Liberal Democrats on 25% and the Conservatives on 40%.

Thursday sees Council and European Parliament elections. It is expected that Gordon Brown will announce a cabinet re-shuffle as early as the week after. Assuming he is still in a position to do so?

Political oblivion beckons for "Nu Labour."

Porky Pig says "That's all Folks"

Elliot Morley, the MP for Scunthorpe has announced that he is to stand down at the next General Election.

How many readers of this blog have ever been to Scunthorpe?

Hopefully not many.

Gentle readers, on your behalf, I have been there and it was closed.

I have been in some pretty dismal places in my time, but Scunthorpe is everything you imagine it will be. For the past 22 years it has deserved having a bent git like Elliot Morley as its MP.

In the words of the NuLabour anthem - "things can only get better."

Well, for constituencies who are prepared to chuck out crooks like Elliot Morley, this is probably true.

Elliot Morley is going to spend more time with his money family.

He will not be missed.

Cash's name tape

Bill Cash "has some very serious questions to answer" says David Cameron.

There's something oddly appropriate that someone who comes from the family that makes all those name tapes we had sewn into our sports kit at school should end his political career, like so many others of late, by being labelled a crook....

Another couple of old friends are stepping down

Sir Nicholas and Lady Ann Winterton are to stand down at the next General Election.

They will be a huge loss to this blog their constituents as, due to all their hard faced greed work, they have served up so many opportunities for Photoshop mockery the public so well for so many years.

By claiming mortgage interest on a London flat that had been bought and paid for (courtesy of you and me) and then transferred into a family trust, they helped start the "open season on MPs" that has cumulated in the events of recent weeks. They must be very popular amongst their fellow MPs right now!

I do hope that David Cameron has the good sense not to elevate either of them to the Lords.

Blogging will be light for the next week as I have business to attend to in the land of chips & mayonnaise, fruit-flavoured beer and awesome chocolate. The fact that only 8 of its inhabitants have visited my blog will not put me off enjoying myself while I'm there.

More expenses claims revealled

And on the never-ending list of gadgets and gizmos that MPs have bought for themselves or their families, it seems that Jacqui Smith bought her husband an iPhone.

I wonder why he would need a phone that's so advanced, it can even play movies? I cannot imagine why....

Another week of parliamentary sleaze exposed

And there is no sign that the Daily Telegraph has finished yet.

"Twelve voices were shouting in anger and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."

George Orwell - Animal Farm

Gorbals Mick is assured of his place in history

Adopting the Bunker Mentality

When I saw the story about Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper on Guido's blog this morning, I couldn't help but notice the striking similarity between Ed Balls and Adolf Hitler (as portrayed by Bruno Ganz in "Downfall.")

How strangely appropriate, as they are about to see their taxpayer-funded empire come to tearful end.

Though it has to be said that of the £600 a month that Ed and Yvette claimed for food, I think most of it went down Ed's throat....

Returning to a popular theme

Why is it no great surprise that, not only have Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper "flipped" their secondary residence 3 times, but that we also contribute £600 a month towards their food bills.

As Ed and Yvette say: "Let's tuck in!"

Caroline Flint's Makeup Tips

Today's Observer (amazingly it's still being published) has a puff-piece about Caroline Flint, complete with photos of her in various frocks, showing off her rather chunky knees.

Some men apparently find her attractive. I believe that David Blunkett heads the list.

Thankfully, the photographer who took the photos told her to keep her mouth closed, which is no small ask.

Other than that, the photos are totally natural - no "airbrushing" or any other image-editing deception going on here. Just a little bit of makeup here and there.

Honest.

In other words, just what we've come to expect from a NuLabour MP.

Hazel Blears considers a change of career

Because she's not got long to go in government.

After going on the record criticising Gordon Brown's leadership, all sorts of strange things have started happening to the little chipmunk, such as this item on her Wikipedia entry:

"On 8 May 2009, it was revealed by The Daily Telegraph that Blears had been claiming the maximum allowable rate to under a pound for 3 properties, as well as for stays in luxury hotels, £4,874 on furniture, £899 on a new bed and £913 on a new TV, the second such TV in under a year, and the maximum £400 a month in groceries. The Daily Mail printed allegations that Mrs Blears "flipped" her homes in London three times in one year. Flipping is a technique whereby Members of Parliament switch their second home between several houses, which has the effect of allowing them to maximize their taxpayer funded allowances.

In May 2009 the Sunday Telegraph reported that she did not pay capital gains tax on profit from the sale of a London flat. The property was registered as her main residence with the Inland Revenue when Ms Blears had been claiming MPs' second home expenses relating to the flat. She is reported to have pocketed a profit of £45,000."

And to add further insult, it now looks like her Wikipedia entry was hacked at the time I posted this (though it's since been "corrected".) Poor Hazel!

John Prescott finally gets the honour he deserves

He has a toilet seat named after him!

Well - after he had to claim for two (yes - two) broken toilet seats in his second home, it seems only right that his legacy to British politics should be recorded for posterity (or posteriority, perhaps?) by having a heavy duty toilet seat named after him.

Yes, it's good news - the Big John TM toilet seat will be available from next week, so that should save the taxpayer a few quid in the future!

Click on the picture to enlarge - if you must - and no, this wasn't Photoshopped!

Great Fiction of Our Time

Ken Follett has made a pretty good living over the years by writing crappy books of the type you buy in airports when you realise that the book you'd really meant to read on holiday is still sitting at home, in the downstairs khazi.

Based on this slippery business model, he has managed to fund his wife, Barbara Follet's, less-than-notable parliamentary career.

The good news is that she's learned a trick or two from her husband's "skills" in writing fiction.

However, instead of Cold War dross, her skill is closer to home, in the shape of her expenses claims as an MP.

So how does £25k for security sound as a starter?

Does she have a problem with obsessive fans.....as in both of them? Who-hooo!

You couldn't make it up, could you?

(For anyone who wonders what F.M.L means, may I direct you here)

The strain is beginning to show

Is Gordon about to become the first British Prime Minister to leave Downing Street in a straitjacket?

Well, it's beginning to look that way.....

Guido Fawkes posted an excellent clip of Gordon, shaking with anger during an exchange with David Cameron on Youtube last year.

Then there was the distinctly creepy speech on MPs' expenses that was released on Youtube. I defy anyone to watch it and not feel uncomfortable.

The Daily Mail has just reported on how Peter Mandelson had to calm him down after he threw a tantrum in the middle of a TV interview, while Peter Oborne wonders if it's time for Gordon to be handed a loaded revolver and a bottle of whisky.

But don't take my word for it. Just start typing "Gordon Brown" and mental into Google and see just how many articles there are on the internet that are dealing with this subject...It's all a bit worrying, isn't it?

Update: an excellent summary recent articles that catalogue the ongoing slide into oblivion of New Labour can be found on the excellent Thats News blog.