At the time of posting this blog, it seems that half the Police in Britain are currently engaged in negotiations with the former nightclub bouncer turned murderer, Raoul Moat.
It has been reported that he has been holding a sawn-off shotgun to his neck since 7.30 pm this evening and they are still talking to him.
Four hours on, I would like to suggest some negotiating stances that might produce a satisfactory outcome:
1. Raoul - while you've been inside, Samantha has been shagging half the blokes in Tyneside. Just how many shells have you got to go round?
2. Raoul - you've shot one of ours so we're arranging something special for you in prison. You'll be sharing a cell with a seriously well-hung bloke who will always call you "m'bitch." For the next 30 years.
3. Any time soon the lighting rig is going to have a power cut, just as soon as the video camera operator trips over his laces and falls over. Guess what happens next, shit-for-brains?
4. So....meathead......do you have the balls to finish off for yourself what a team of Police Officers would be more than happy to finish off for you?
5. Hope you don't get an attack of the hiccups or sneeze any time soon. Either could be fatal.
Update: 10/7/10 Raoul Moat has shot himself after Paul Gascoigne turned up in Rothbury, to "offer his support." You couldn't make it up...
It has been reported that he has been holding a sawn-off shotgun to his neck since 7.30 pm this evening and they are still talking to him.
Four hours on, I would like to suggest some negotiating stances that might produce a satisfactory outcome:
1. Raoul - while you've been inside, Samantha has been shagging half the blokes in Tyneside. Just how many shells have you got to go round?
2. Raoul - you've shot one of ours so we're arranging something special for you in prison. You'll be sharing a cell with a seriously well-hung bloke who will always call you "m'bitch." For the next 30 years.
3. Any time soon the lighting rig is going to have a power cut, just as soon as the video camera operator trips over his laces and falls over. Guess what happens next, shit-for-brains?
4. So....meathead......do you have the balls to finish off for yourself what a team of Police Officers would be more than happy to finish off for you?
5. Hope you don't get an attack of the hiccups or sneeze any time soon. Either could be fatal.
Update: 10/7/10 Raoul Moat has shot himself after Paul Gascoigne turned up in Rothbury, to "offer his support." You couldn't make it up...
9 comments:
Where do you find the moativation for your consistently amusing postings?
You see beefed up wankers like this everywhere.
The thing that annoys me to hell is that he had no shortage of supporters to help him out on his rampage.
The thing about capital punishment was not that it ever stopped the true nutters - it's that it would have stopped his mates making it all possible.
I think the police should have shot him in the groin. Then he should have served life doing hard labour.
Suicide was too good for him.
RVI: very good!
E-K: pleased to see that you have survived your beastly weekend!
I see that in some newspapers, it is being suggested that his long-term use of steroids may have mentally harmed him.
It maybe didn't occur to the writers of these articles that someone who uses steroids because they think this is a good look is perhaps a bit a nutter to start with.
Good point Lakes! Why would anyone think that a good look....a square head with a square body...and body building has a shocking effect on erectile function (so I am told!)...
I've been building my body on a diet of red and white wine for years, and I still fall asleep when I want to kill someone...
Please Doctor, am I going to get a gun and shoot someone if I take too many statins with my Chateau de Chastellain '74?
Sorry Lakes, that was not intended to upset Dr Lakes, - I'm sure she'll understand...
BTW, ED and Ptnr are up camping your way next week at Ullswater.
If you see someone who looks much nicer than me, with a great bloke on her arm, then say 'Hi, I know Scrobs...', and she'll give you a hug the size of the Appalacians...
Ah Scrobs, the Appalachians!
Some time ago I was part of a pub quiz team and the question caller ordered us to spell that word. So we did - but got it wrong because what she had in fact said was not "Appalachians" but "appellations". We had no choice but to order up another bottle of the finest red to drown our sorrows (despite actually winning first prize on the night...).
He's dead.
Excellent result all round, I'd say.
Scrobs: Dr Lakelander tells me that she is unaware of any side effects of taking statins with wine.
Her advice is to drink more...
Ullswater may have to change its name soon to comply with the Trades Descriptions Act....the bloody Mancs are nicking all of our water!
RVI: ah yes....the Appalachians Controlees!
Kilemall: Believe it or not there are now over 25,000 cretins who have added their names to a Facebook page that supports Raoul Moat.
Happily, some people have joined the page to post some wonderfully tasteless jokes that deserve greater exposure!
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