I'm looking forwards to 2010!
A Happy Hogmanay to all my readers.
I hope you all have a healthy and prosperous New Year. I can smell freedom in the air!
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Onwards and Upwards
I'm looking forwards to 2010!
A Happy Hogmanay to all my readers.
I hope you all have a healthy and prosperous New Year. I can smell freedom in the air!
Monday, 28 December 2009
It looks like Gordon's on his own again
As colleagues urge him to abandon his "Class War" attacks on the Tories.
Is it any wonder his own party wants to dump him before the General Election?
Is it any wonder his own party wants to dump him before the General Election?
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Thursday, 24 December 2009
And may all your Christmases be white...
To all the visitors from 91 countries who have visited this blog during 2009, I hope you and your families have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
The Fairy on top of the Christmas Tree
click on picture to enlargeThe twelfth and final Christmas Tree decoration has to be Peter Mandelson.
Having had to resign in disgrace not once, but twice, he was pushed off to a cosy little number in Brussels where he couldn't do anything to embarrass the Labour Government.
Then, as the financial crisis gripped the world, he was re-invented as Lord Fondlesthebums of Boys and made the unelected de facto number two to Gordon Brown, our unelected Prime Minister.
While other major economies are now coming out of recession, Britain remains deeply embedded in the worst economic slump anyone has ever seen and Labour's only response is to spend more public money and increase taxes.
Meanwhile, Peter is looking forward to 2010. Of course Labour will be thrown out of office and Gordon will be blamed for everything. That means there will be a vacancy at the top of the Labour Party and who's going to get it?
Alistair Darling? Burnt out. Alan Johnson? Too thick. Harriett Harman? Pur-lease! Jack Straw? Too many enemies.
No, there will only be one person at the top of the Labour tree in the summer of 2010 and that's Peter.
What a shame that the party will divide itself into pro and anti - Mandelson factions and end up destroying itself.
But that's a small price to pay for Peter's great ambition being finally satisfied, isn't it?
A Merry Christmas to you all!
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Happy Christmas, Gordon
Gordon is feeling very happy.
This is the man who saved the world's banking system in 2009.
This is the man who single-handedly set out a programme to save the world from global warming in 2009.
This is the man who will reduce unemployment to under a million in 2010.
This is the man who will lead the Labour Party to its greatest every victory in a General Election in 2010, wiping out the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties in the process.
This is the man who will be forever remembered as our greatest-ever Prime Minister.
This is a man who has just over-dosed on Prozac and who is feeling very happy indeed.
Monday, 21 December 2009
Dear Santa...
This is what I would most like to see hanging from my Christmas Tree.
And it's not a bauble.
And it's not a bauble.
Sunday, 20 December 2009
The Lakelander's View
This was what I could see from my study window at lunchtime today and it was -4 degrees C outside.
Didn't all the politicians do a great job in Copenhagen?
Global warming sorted!
Shameless
In many ways, Jacqui Smith, with her three chins, is the face of 2009.
Her shameless troughing at the taxpayers' expense became the epitome of all that is wrong with the system of MPs' expenses.
She expected everyone to believe that a back bedroom in her sister's house in London was, in fact, her "primary residence" so that she could claim for everything she spent on her "secondary residence" in Redditch where her family lived.
And did she claim!
Everything from a bath plug at 88p to her husband's dirty movies were claimed for. Clearly £142,000 a year salary isn't enough to get by on anymore and so Jacqui claimed over £157,000 in additional costs allowances for travel, office and staffing costs.
With a majority of just 2,716, Jacqi will soon find out just how easy it is to earn that sort of money outside of parliament.
Happy New Year, Jacqui!
Her shameless troughing at the taxpayers' expense became the epitome of all that is wrong with the system of MPs' expenses.
She expected everyone to believe that a back bedroom in her sister's house in London was, in fact, her "primary residence" so that she could claim for everything she spent on her "secondary residence" in Redditch where her family lived.
And did she claim!
Everything from a bath plug at 88p to her husband's dirty movies were claimed for. Clearly £142,000 a year salary isn't enough to get by on anymore and so Jacqui claimed over £157,000 in additional costs allowances for travel, office and staffing costs.
With a majority of just 2,716, Jacqi will soon find out just how easy it is to earn that sort of money outside of parliament.
Happy New Year, Jacqui!
Saturday, 19 December 2009
The Bogey Man
An odd choice in Christmas tree decorations, as I'm sure you'll agree. Osama Bin Laden has been the face of international terrorism since September the Eleventh.
Whether he is even alive is questionable but every time a bunch of young nutters is rounded up for questioning about "terror plots", they are always described as having links to Al-Quaeda and a photo of Osama is shown looking as mad and as bad as ever.
Terrorism is a reality. There are plenty of bad guys out there who would love to destroy our way of life in the West but as big a threat to our basic freedoms can be found much closer to home.
Do you want to keep video recordings of all your citizens, so you can track their daily movements? Then cover the country with CCTV cameras as part of "the war on terror."
Do you want to justify an illegal war in the Middle East? Then dream up links between the government of Iraq and Al Quaeda.
Do you want to force your citizens to have to carry ID cards with them wherever they go - in their own country? Tell them it is for their own safety and that opposing this policy is playing into the hands of terrorists. They're everywhere, you know.
And as part of "the war on terror", you will need to keep a record of every phone call made and every e-mail sent, every person who has posted a blog like this.... and every person who has read it. That means you, by the way.
As a justification for eroding the rights we have taken for granted for so long, Osama has certainly been useful to this government. Thanks to him, we have come to accept that being a "surveillance society" is for our own good and safety.
For politicians who want to control ever last detail of our lives, he has been an absolute gift. Every Christmas since 2001.
Whether he is even alive is questionable but every time a bunch of young nutters is rounded up for questioning about "terror plots", they are always described as having links to Al-Quaeda and a photo of Osama is shown looking as mad and as bad as ever.
Terrorism is a reality. There are plenty of bad guys out there who would love to destroy our way of life in the West but as big a threat to our basic freedoms can be found much closer to home.
Do you want to keep video recordings of all your citizens, so you can track their daily movements? Then cover the country with CCTV cameras as part of "the war on terror."
Do you want to justify an illegal war in the Middle East? Then dream up links between the government of Iraq and Al Quaeda.
Do you want to force your citizens to have to carry ID cards with them wherever they go - in their own country? Tell them it is for their own safety and that opposing this policy is playing into the hands of terrorists. They're everywhere, you know.
And as part of "the war on terror", you will need to keep a record of every phone call made and every e-mail sent, every person who has posted a blog like this.... and every person who has read it. That means you, by the way.
As a justification for eroding the rights we have taken for granted for so long, Osama has certainly been useful to this government. Thanks to him, we have come to accept that being a "surveillance society" is for our own good and safety.
For politicians who want to control ever last detail of our lives, he has been an absolute gift. Every Christmas since 2001.
Thursday, 17 December 2009
The worst-ever Speaker
Seventh in the list of Christmas tree decorations brought to you by the Labour Party is a traditional chocolate coin, featuring an image of Lord Martin of Gorbals, former Speaker of the House of Commons.
He will be forever remembered as the worst-ever Speaker the House has ever seen.
He blatantly favoured speakers from his own party over those from the Opposition. He encouraged MPs to fiddle their expenses, as he filled his own pockets and mouth at the taxpayer's expense. He presided over a culture of greed that has left politicians at their lowest-ever standing in the eyes of the public.
Comes in deep-fried Mars Bar flavour only.
He will be forever remembered as the worst-ever Speaker the House has ever seen.
He blatantly favoured speakers from his own party over those from the Opposition. He encouraged MPs to fiddle their expenses, as he filled his own pockets and mouth at the taxpayer's expense. He presided over a culture of greed that has left politicians at their lowest-ever standing in the eyes of the public.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
A Christmas Ghost Story
Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a good ghost story would it?
So our sixth bauble is one that should haunt the Labour Party...
How many of us remember Jack Jones, who died earlier this year? A veteran of the Spanish Civil War, he was the General Secretary of the Transport & General Workers Union from 1968 until 1976. In his later years, he is best remembered as a campaigner for pensioners' rights.
Personally, I remember him as one of the reasons I had to do my homework under the light of a camping gas lantern for many weeks in the 1970s.
Such a shame that, according to papers that have been uncovered in the US, Jack Jones was on the payroll of the Kremlin until as late as the 1980s. Best of all, it seems that he collected his dirty Roubles by passing on information about the British Labour Party. He wasn't alone - the TGWU was an incubator of Communists who dreamed of Britain becoming yet another Socialist Republic.
For anyone who believes that Jack Jones and his fellow left-wing idealists are a product of another era, with no relevance to today's political landscape, please consider this fact:
Amongst the TGWU sponsored MPs, we can count Neil Kinnock, Tony Blair, Margaret Beckitt, Harriett Harman and John Reid.
And the brightest star of them all...
Gordon Brown
Make of this what you will. With the imminent demise of Gordon Brown and the Labour Party, are we about to see the final chapter of a ghost story that has haunted Britain since the 1960s?
So our sixth bauble is one that should haunt the Labour Party...
How many of us remember Jack Jones, who died earlier this year? A veteran of the Spanish Civil War, he was the General Secretary of the Transport & General Workers Union from 1968 until 1976. In his later years, he is best remembered as a campaigner for pensioners' rights.
Personally, I remember him as one of the reasons I had to do my homework under the light of a camping gas lantern for many weeks in the 1970s.
Such a shame that, according to papers that have been uncovered in the US, Jack Jones was on the payroll of the Kremlin until as late as the 1980s. Best of all, it seems that he collected his dirty Roubles by passing on information about the British Labour Party. He wasn't alone - the TGWU was an incubator of Communists who dreamed of Britain becoming yet another Socialist Republic.
For anyone who believes that Jack Jones and his fellow left-wing idealists are a product of another era, with no relevance to today's political landscape, please consider this fact:
Amongst the TGWU sponsored MPs, we can count Neil Kinnock, Tony Blair, Margaret Beckitt, Harriett Harman and John Reid.
And the brightest star of them all...
Gordon Brown
Make of this what you will. With the imminent demise of Gordon Brown and the Labour Party, are we about to see the final chapter of a ghost story that has haunted Britain since the 1960s?
Monday, 14 December 2009
Fun for all the family
Fifth in our boxed set of Labour Party baubles is the Welsh Windbag himself, Neil Kinnock.
This is the man who failed at the ballot box but managed to turn this failure into a highly lucrative family business in Europe.
This is the man who failed at the ballot box but managed to turn this failure into a highly lucrative family business in Europe.
A special feature of this bauble is that everytime you slap Neil on the forehead (admit it - you've wanted to do this for years) he shouts his famous "Well all right!" over and over again until you slap him on the forehead again.
Hours of fun for the whole family!
Hours of fun for the whole family!
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Exclusive - photo of Tiger in nude group shot
Well, this was the photo you were hoping to find wasn't it?
You can read the charming story here. It's rather more charming than most of the other Tiger stories doing the rounds at the moment.
You can read the charming story here. It's rather more charming than most of the other Tiger stories doing the rounds at the moment.
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Fat Balls
Ed Balls was meant to be the fourth Christmas Tree Decoration in the boxed set being sold by the Labour Party, but when I hung him on my tree, the tree fell over.
So, what would be appropriate for this trougher par excellence, who has flipped his second home three times and has never failed to claim the maximum level of expenses at every opportunity?
No matter how cold it gets this winter, the blue tits in my garden aren't going to go hungry!
No matter how cold it gets this winter, the blue tits in my garden aren't going to go hungry!
Friday, 11 December 2009
Cherie Christmas
No set of Labour Party Christmas tree baubles could be complete without one that commemorates Cherie Blair.
Has there ever been a Prime Minister's spouse who did more to bring ridicule and shame to 10 Downing Street than she did? Has anyone ever used this position to promote their own interests as blatantly as she did?
So just in case you had forgotten how ghastly she is, here's a little reminder to scare the kids with this Christmas!
Has there ever been a Prime Minister's spouse who did more to bring ridicule and shame to 10 Downing Street than she did? Has anyone ever used this position to promote their own interests as blatantly as she did?
So just in case you had forgotten how ghastly she is, here's a little reminder to scare the kids with this Christmas!
Thursday, 10 December 2009
The Booby Prize
This Christmas, spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourself.
And there is nobody less fortunate than Alistair Darling, who appears as the second of our Labour Party Christmas tree decorations here.
"Less fortunate?" I hear you say.
Yes - less fortunate. He's rather like the chap who appeared in the famous Volkswagen Golf advert as he walks out of a casino, having bet a million on black - just the latest in a long series of financial failures.
The difference is that the financial failures can almost all be traced back to the former Chancellor, Gordon Brown and now poor Alistair finds himself hated by almost everyone in Britain as he has to raise taxes to pay for all of Gordon's many cock ups.
In short, he won the world of politics Booby Prize. He is now taking the blame for all of Gordon's 10 years of so-called "prudence" and in in the process has become one of the most despised people in Britain. A future career in pantomime surely beckons?
And there is nobody less fortunate than Alistair Darling, who appears as the second of our Labour Party Christmas tree decorations here.
"Less fortunate?" I hear you say.
Yes - less fortunate. He's rather like the chap who appeared in the famous Volkswagen Golf advert as he walks out of a casino, having bet a million on black - just the latest in a long series of financial failures.
The difference is that the financial failures can almost all be traced back to the former Chancellor, Gordon Brown and now poor Alistair finds himself hated by almost everyone in Britain as he has to raise taxes to pay for all of Gordon's many cock ups.
In short, he won the world of politics Booby Prize. He is now taking the blame for all of Gordon's 10 years of so-called "prudence" and in in the process has become one of the most despised people in Britain. A future career in pantomime surely beckons?
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
The ultimate card in your wallet
Forget the American Express Black Centurion Card or the Coutts World Signia Card - this is the card that shows you have arrived.
And only one person in the UK has one of them. Now just how exclusive is that?
Such a shame that a hundred of our bravest and best had to die en route to you getting this card, isn't it, Tony?
£12 million in speaking fees / appearance fees / back-handers for selling out fees / since you handed the poisoned chalice to that poor idiot, Gordo...not a bad deal for a retiring Prime Minister, is it?
The bad news is that there is a seat in Hell that has your name writ large upon it Anthony Charles Linton Blair. The good news is that they accept this card....it will buy you all of 30 seconds repose from the furnace.
And only one person in the UK has one of them. Now just how exclusive is that?
Such a shame that a hundred of our bravest and best had to die en route to you getting this card, isn't it, Tony?
£12 million in speaking fees / appearance fees / back-handers for selling out fees / since you handed the poisoned chalice to that poor idiot, Gordo...not a bad deal for a retiring Prime Minister, is it?
The bad news is that there is a seat in Hell that has your name writ large upon it Anthony Charles Linton Blair. The good news is that they accept this card....it will buy you all of 30 seconds repose from the furnace.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Labour Party Christmas Tree Decorations
Are you looking for something different to decorate the tree with this Christmas?
I'm delighted to announce that I have managed to secure the exclusive rights to the brand new Labour Party Christmas Tree Decoration set - a snip at £99.99!
Each decoration is designed to look like one of those crazy guys and gals that we've come to know and love over the past 12 years.
First out of the box is Baroness Cathy Ashton of Upholland - the unelected High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy and proof of the saying that "politics is showbusiness for ugly people."
Her qualifications for this demanding post include a degree in Sociology and many years' involvement with CND, including a stint as Treasurer. Last week, she denied that CND had received money "directly from a Communist country".
At the time she worked for CND, she lived for two years with Duncan Rees, who was the General Secretary of the Communist Party of Great Britain. He also worked for the Morning Star newspaper - which, it has subsequently been revealed, was a regular recipient of funds from Russia.
So - no reason to doubt just how good a job Lady Ashton will do for Britain or Europe as a whole, is there?
A very merry Christmas from the Labour Party!
I'm delighted to announce that I have managed to secure the exclusive rights to the brand new Labour Party Christmas Tree Decoration set - a snip at £99.99!
Each decoration is designed to look like one of those crazy guys and gals that we've come to know and love over the past 12 years.
First out of the box is Baroness Cathy Ashton of Upholland - the unelected High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy and proof of the saying that "politics is showbusiness for ugly people."
Her qualifications for this demanding post include a degree in Sociology and many years' involvement with CND, including a stint as Treasurer. Last week, she denied that CND had received money "directly from a Communist country".
At the time she worked for CND, she lived for two years with Duncan Rees, who was the General Secretary of the Communist Party of Great Britain. He also worked for the Morning Star newspaper - which, it has subsequently been revealed, was a regular recipient of funds from Russia.
So - no reason to doubt just how good a job Lady Ashton will do for Britain or Europe as a whole, is there?
A very merry Christmas from the Labour Party!
Thursday, 3 December 2009
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