Wartime Cowardice

Guido reports that Gordon Brown's latest book on Courage is also hitting the remainder bins.

Perhaps the rather wordy title "Wartime Courage: Stories of Extraordinary Courage by Ordinary People in World War Two" has put off buyers. Or maybe it's that the words "Gordon Brown" and "Courage" just don't sit together comfortably on the cover of a book.

So, to help sales along, I've re-designed the cover so that more people might be tempted to pick up a copy.

Please form an orderly queue...

Gordon's latest book signing tour

In view of the worse than dismal sales of his book entitled "Courage - Eight Portraits", Gordon's publishers have given him an ultimatum - go on a book signing tour or give us back the advance.

Which is why we find him back in Afghanistan, trying to peddle his book to an audience who had no choice but to follow orders and turn up to listen to him. Don't they look thrilled to hear Gordon's considered views on courage?

Gordon's book "Courage - Eight Portraits", with a list price of £16.99 is now available on Amazon from £1.10 (used) or £2.54 (new.)

One of the reviews on the site perfectly sums up this book:

"Ironic, isn't it, that a man completely lacking any backbone has written this book? A man who has generally disappeared when the flack is flying. A man who finds it acceptable to 'phone Susan Boyle but never calls the family of those killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. A book utterly devoid of anything new to say written by a man who has contributed nothing but disaster to Britain."

Oasis to split (yet again)

A sad day indeed for cocaine dealers throughout the world....

Famous punk band is back together again

Tasteless, I know.....

(Hat tip to Electro Kevin)

Going Green

This is the national flag of Libya. (It's also the image that has had the least amount of Photoshopping on this blog - ever.)

I'm not sure who designed it, but let'st just say, I hope he or she wasn't paid by the hour for their work.

Despite the lack of original design input, how easy would it be for you to lay your hands on a Libyan flag at 24 hours' notice? You could always dye a piece of cotton and it would probably suffice. Just about.

But....if you lived in Libya, just how easy would it be for you to lay your hands on a white cross on a blue background Scottish saltire to wave at the homecoming of Abdelbaset Ali Mohmet al Megrahi?

However....if things had been arranged back in July....it would give everyone plenty of time to get those flags ready.

If they had been arranged back then, eh Gordon?

Kenny MacAskill's statement - in summary

It took Kenny MacAskill, the Scottish Justice Secretary, 30 minutes to get to the point where he told us all what everyone had known for days - that Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi was about to be released on compassionate grounds.

For those who don't have a spare half hour, here is a summary of the Justice Secretary's speech:

• No way did we want an appeal to be heard. The conviction was iffy all along and a fresh examination of the evidence would open several cans of worms. The paper shredders at MI6 nearly burned out last week.
  

• Hillary Clinton can stamp her foot all she wants - she's only showboating for the benefit of the American public and she so wants to be President after Obama. The Americans need Libyan oil and gas just as much as we do but quite liked the idea of putting all the blame on a small country that even they could beat at football.
  

• The Labour government has made a complete mess of energy policy. We're running out of supplies so quickly that we'll all be lighting our own farts to stay warm by the winter of 2015.
  

• "We have to do energy supply deals with anyone we can find, no matter how mad, bad and dangerous they are," Colonel Gadaffi has said about selling oil and gas to Gordon Brown.
  

• In no way has my judgement been affected or influenced by British Oil and Gas exploration companies. Or Lord Mandelson.

• Honest.
  

"Entirely Coincidental"

It has been confirmed that, during his recent bit of NuLabour freeloading holiday in Corfu, Peter Mandelson met with Saif Gadaffi, son of Colonel Gadaffi of Libya.

A statement issued by a spokesman for Lord Mandelson, described the meeting and the possibility that the man who planted the bomb on Pan Am Flight 103 might be freed soon as "entirely coincidental."

Only a cynic would doubt this.

In a recent article in the Times, it was revealled that Libya has reserves of 42 billion barrels of oil and 1.5 trillion cubic metres of natural gas, but that reserves could been even higher. British companies like BP, Shell and BG are heavily involved in extracting these reserves, competing against French, American, Chinese and Russian interests.

When Labour lose the next general election it would no doubt also be "entirely coincidental" if Lord Mandelson were to re-appear as a non-exec director of BP, Shell or BG and to suggest otherwise would be a wicked slur against his good name.

Honest.

The Lakelander's favourite pub

And it's not in the Lake District....

The licenced trade has been hard hit by a perfect storm of the smoking ban, cheap beer in supermarkets and financial sleight of hand as practised by various private equity funds.

Thankfully, some decent pubs still exist, though this one doesn't even have a sign to let you know where it is. It's tucked away down an alleyway called St Helens Passage (previously "Hell's Passage".)

Viewers of Inspector Morse might just recognise the blackboard. It serves the best selection of real ale I've ever come across and I can particularly recommend their nice "Summer Ale."

So who knows where it is?

Rationing

Alan Duncan MP, whose history of somewhat excessive expenses claims wins this week's foot in the mouth award for saying that MPs now "live on rations."

For a serving British service man on woman in the field, this is what a 24 hour ration pack looks like. Baked beans seem to figure prominently.

In 2007 MP Mike Pennington's question about how much the Army spent on food for its servicemen and women each gave us the answer:

It was a derisory £1.51 a day.

This compares with £1.87 a day for prisoners in UK jails, £1.55 for school lunches and £2.63 a day for military dogs!

Consider this...an MP is entitled to claim £400 a month (whether parliament is sitting or not) for food. No receipts required.


That is £13.15 a day, which would buy one of these nice Fortnum and Mason hampers every week.

Or feed 9 servicemen and women for a week.

Hmmm....

Is Gordon safe to work with vulnerable people?

The Prime Minister's plans to spend some of his summer holiday doing work in the community may depend upon whether he passes a CRB check.

The Register reports that Downing Street has refused to answer questions on the matter "for security purposes." Mary Wakefield, who writes for the Independent has also queried whether Gordon Brown has passed the necessary CRB checks but has yet to receive an answer.

But, being a perfectly normal sort of person, Gordon would have nothing to worry about with a CRB check.

Would he?

How to keep the kids entertained this summer

Are you finding it difficult to keep the kids entertained this summer?

Days out costing too much? Bothered about the kids wasting all their time on Facebook or listening to music on their iPods for twelve hours a day? Kids too lazy to play any sport?

Now there's an answer. It's called the NHS.

Yes - rather than lounging around the house all day, you can now get the kids a job with the NHS, helping to run the Swine Flu hotline.

No medical qualifications? Don't worry. In today's NHS, you don't have to be a doctor with years of training to decide if a patient has Swine Flu.

Just click a few YES / NO questions on a screen and you can arrange for the patient to have a course of Tamiflu delivered. Without any proper examination. Whether or not they actually have Swine Flu.

Did anyone mention some of the risks and side effects associated with this drug or how many other serious conditions can be mis-diagnosed as Swine Flu?

Of course not.

Welcome to the NHS under Nu Labour.

Who's in charge?

The BBC have an interesting story on their news website - just who is in charge of the country while Gordon Brown is on holiday?

The Prime Minister announced that he would be spending his holidays in the Lake District (thanks, Gordon) and would also be spending some time doing voluntary work in his constituency - but this shouldn't be construed as a publicity stunt. Of course not.

Harriet Harman and Jack Straw have also been on holiday, so it has been suggested that Lord Mandelson is now effectively in charge of the country.

Only he's in Corfu as the house guest of Nathaniel Rothschild (he's the chap who, after last summer, is no longer one of George Osborne's best friends.)

So does anyone out there actually believe that, when Gordon Brown goes on holiday, he stops spending every waking hour micro-managing Britain? Can anyone imagine him sitting in his Bermuda shorts, sipping a Pina Colada and exchanging small talk with Sarah?

No.

Sad to say, Gordon Brown is still in charge of Britain, even when he's supposed to be on holiday.

For now at least.

Happy 80th Birthday, Ronnie

And for those who believe that he should have been let out earlier, here's a little reminder as to just how bad Ronnie Biggs feels about the early death of train driver, Jack Mills.

Quite why there has always been so much admiration of this second-rate minor criminal is beyond me. He wasn't even particularly successful as a thief and for years relied upon gullible British tourists being prepared to pay to have their photos taken next to him in Brazil.

Farewell Ronnie. You won't be missed.

Great Quotations of our time

In the annals of history, many great leaders have become associated with a single phrase.

"We will fight them on the beaches..." will always conjure up an image of Winston Churchill's beligerant defiance of the Nazi foe.

"I shall return" became the trademark of General Douglas MacArthur, as he left the Philippines in 1942.

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country" came from John F Kennedy's inaugural address.

"I have a dream" said Dr Martin Luther King jr.

So, dear reader, what great British business leader of the 20th and 21st century, will be remembered most for his ignorance, rudeness, bombast and bullying?

Who, despite owning a megayacht, a helicopter and a Rolls Royce Phantom, still is the greatest personification of "a chip on the shoulder?"

Whose personal brand name became a by-word for badly made crap that would fall apart in weeks or months?

Who relies on stack heels and a raised seat in a board room to disguise just how small he is?

Who is so thin-skinned that he does not hesitate to sue anyone who criticises him, making it all the more vindictive by suing the journalist and not the newspaper?

Who will always be remembered for saying "You're Fired"

And for very little else?