Have you seen this Memory Stick?

Because, if you have, HM Government would love to hear from you!

The Sunday Times is running this story today, about a British agent who left her handbag on a bus in Bogota, Columbia. Inside the handbag was a memory stick and on the memory stick were the names of agents and informants against South American drug dealers.

The story continues:

"The incident, which was hushed up by the Serious Organised Crime Agency (Soca), the agent’s employer, is an embarrassment for the government. It is another blow for Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, who has ultimate responsibility for Britain’s anti-drugs operations and the safeguarding of criminal intelligence."

Has there ever been a worse Home Secretary than Jacqui Smith?

Budget Day

Has there ever been a Budget Day when so many have expected so little?

Gordon Brown: F**k My Life

A few weeks ago, that most excellent agrarian blogger - Theo Spark - highlighted a really funny American Blog called: Fmylife (my life sucks but I don't give a f***)

All the stories end with the acronym "FML"....I'm sure you're getting the picture by now. It's well worth a visit - it's one of those rare blogs that makes you snort your coffee over the keyboard every time you visit.

In the same way that The Killers are the closest that America has to a UK indie band, this site is the closest thing that America has to that British sense of "Stoic, mustn't grumble" sense of humour we pride ourselves on.

So - what might give Gordon one of those FML moments this weekend?

Let's try this little story about Ed Balls, courtesy of Iain Dale.

Or how about: this little snippet courtesy of Guido, with the teaser link to this story.

Rumour has it that Derek Draper has posted an "FML" on this site. Do keep an eye out for his entry. A reliable source tells me it's genuine.

Poor old Dolly Draper

Poor old Dolly Draper (a phrase I thought I'd never say.)

Once again, he faces public disgrace for his part in the "Smeargate" scandal that has rocked 10 Downing Street in the past fortnight.

Derek probably thought that the amount of coverage he was getting in the press would at least help boost sales of his latest book "Life Support." However, a few kindly souls have decided to help consumers decide whether or not to buy the book by posting various tags and comments on Amazon.

You can see them here, but be quick before Amazon wake up and take them down....

Review so far have included:

"If Peter Andre were to fall into a coma, awake 5 years later with severe brain damage, I still reckon he could write a better book than this. This is the kind of self-indulgent psycho babble one would expect from a failed political hack, living off his wife's money. If I had to use Derek Draper's expertise to support my life then to be honest I'd rather drown."

"A most useful book and wonderful support aid. I took it apart, literally and used it to fix the wobble under the kitchen table. Ideal for propping up old wardrobes. "

Wonderful!

Making London Safer

Just because it's made of wood, it doesn't mean it's natural...

Gordon Brown says "sorry"

Now, Prime Minister, just how difficult did you find that?

So, Derek...

When you look in the bathroom mirror tomorrow morning, what will you see?

Iain Dale, who has blogged this sorry affair superbly over the Easter weekend says that John Prescott is now calling for Derek Draper to go on Labourhome.

I bet it won't end there. Does anyone really believe that charmers like Damian McBride and Derek Draper are going to go quietly?

Whilst I have no time for this government I acknowledge that many people have been motivated to vote Labour over the years for the most genuine and honourable of reasons.

It is those sort of Labour supporters who have been most let down by this sorry pair.

They deserved better, but instead they got a party leader who was, at best, prepared to look the other way and, at worst......?

We may be about to find out.

Gotcha!

But how big a shadow will Damian McBride's disgrace cast on others?

This is going to get very interesting....

Patent Application No. 12345678987654321 - 007

Do you have a problem keeping highly confidential briefing papers away from the public gaze?

Would it be helpful if you could carry all your briefing papers in a way that kept them protected from the wind and rain?

Does national security and your job depend on your briefing papers staying top secret?

I may just have the answer for you!

I am in the process of patenting a portable box that has a hinge on the back, so you can open it and put briefing papers inside and a handle on the front, allowing you to carry it around with you. It will look like a smaller version of the boxes with handles that we put our clothes in when we go on holiday.

There must be at least 20 people in Britain who are important enough to need one of these boxes. I'm sure it will be a winner. I just need a snappy name for it.

"Hinged box with a handle" is a bit wordy.

"Case for your briefing papers" likewise.

"Brief - Case"?

"Briefcase"?

I wonder....

UPDATE: Good news! A former Scotland Yard Assistant Commissioner (who has suddenly found himself available for work) has agreed to be the "front man" for my advertising campaign.

Peter Hitchens is bonkers

One of the last events that Dr Lakelander and I attended at the Oxford Literary Festival was a panel discussion on what "big ideas" there were in the Conservative Party.

On the panel were Ed Vaisey MP, Iain Dale and Peter Hitchens.

Iain Dale reports on how the "debate" went here. From the outset, Peter Hitchens recommended that all Conservative MPs should be voted out at the next election and, with the Conservative Party destroyed, we can then replace it with something else.

Err....replace it with what, Peter? As the debate continued, he became increasingly deranged and anti everything.

Having seen him often enough on television and read some of the articles he has written, I've always known that he comes from the far right of the political spectrum. It wasn't until yesterday that I understood why he is known in newspaper circles as Peter "Bonkers" Hitchens.

Iain Dale sat next to him on the panel. I congratulated Iain on his bravery after the event!

Goodbye Jade

That nice Mr Clifford "done her proud" to the very end....

Education, Edukashun, Edukayshon

Do you remember Tony Blair's famous speech on education in 2005?

Well, amongst the usual long-winded self-congratulatory drivel was one catch phrase that most people remember.

It was "education, education, education."

Four years on, this is the reality, as brought to you by a fellow blogger and regular commenter here "Apricot Fox."

I urge everyone to read it and post a link to her story on their blog.

It is an utter disgrace.

Nineteen Eighty-Four

A recurring theme at this year's Oxford Literary Festival is the Orwell prize for political journalism.

As part of this theme, there was a showing of Michael Radford's film version of 1984, together with a talk given by the director on how the film came about and the actors and actresses in it. It was an excellent talk and I could have listened to him for hours.

I read the book when I was thirteen or fourteen and remember a debate in my school's debating society "This house believes that 1984 is only 10 years away." Despite all the industrial unrest and cold war rhetoric that politicians used in the 1970s, the idea of a "Surveillance State" still seemed like something from a science fiction book. We love our freedom too much in Britain; we would never let them do anything like this to us, would we?

I had never seen this film until yesterday. The performances by John Hurt and Richard Burton (his last before his death) are quite awesome - I think it's possibly John Hurt's best performance ever. If you haven't seen this film and get a chance to rent it, please do so.

In 2006, the government's Information Commissioner, Richard Thomas published "A report on the Surveillance Society" which showed how we had all sleep walked into being a society that is under constant surveillance by various UK and US government agencies.

So 25 years on from 1984, the book and film seem to have a very chilling modern relevance. Even if you've read the book, read it again and wonder how we allowed ourselves to get to where we are today.

Never ask a Doctor for a weather forecast

So, dear, which car should we take to the Oxford Literary Festival? My 4x4 or your convertible?

Dr Lakelander consulted the online weather forecasts and suggested we should take her convertible.

This is what happened last year. Snow! If you've got a medical condition, consult a doctor, if you want a weather forecast, do not consult a doctor.

We're taking my 4x4 to be on the safe side this year and I'll anticipate a heat wave in April.

We'll be seeing Iain Dale in action on Sunday and that will be the highlight of the weekend for us both. I'll report back early next week.

The G20 Summit begins

And the knives are out for Gordon...